


(ill go straight to) airplane mode

by stanlons



Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Break Up, Fluff, Long-Distance Relationship, Non-Linear Narrative, Post-Break Up, Song Lyrics, Strangers to Lovers, everyone is gay because i make the rules, heavily song inspired, lovers to strangers, new ham what new ham, right people wrong time, so much fucking angst, wish we grew up on the same advice and our time was right
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-21 07:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19998061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stanlons/pseuds/stanlons
Summary: Told in three parts, Gareth and Sam meet in a high school class, and their relationship blossoms at West Ham High. They struggle to make their relationship work as they go through life, but try to find their way back to each other and make up for lost time.





	1. one day i'll feel like i'm something real for you.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the song airplane mode by limbo. also, inspired by wrapped in blue by @speakslow. aka one of the best fanfictions on this website that i read as if it were a fine, classic piece of literature.

_January 8th, 2019._

  


A new semester was like a breath of fresh air. Sam had survived his first round of finals, finishing with an A in everything and he could feel the pride coursing through his veins still. His 4.1 GPA was the highest it had ever been, and in all honesty, it made him a bit cocky. 

His first period of the day was AP Literature and Composition, with Ms. Mulrose. He remembered back to when he took Language and Composition last year, and hoped the class had people he actually knew in it this time. 

“ _Bye, good luck,”_ Becca signed to him as they approached his classroom door, her keys swinging on the lanyard around her finger. She drove him to school every day, mostly because Sam was a horrid driver and having him on the road was a _crime to humanity_ , in her words. He even had his license, and a small car, yet the girl insisted to pulling into his driveway every single morning, iced coffee waiting for him. 

Sam smiled at her as he walked into the room, taking a seat at the front of the class so that he could see what the teacher was saying. He hated having to improvise and guess, exactly the reason why he hated Chemistry with Mr. Albatross. The man insisted of never keeping his lips visible, and Sam nearly made a B in his class people he always had no idea of what he was saying. 

Looking around the classroom, the only person he recognized was Cassandra Pressman, his cousin he didn’t talk to as often as he should. A smile graced his lips as their eyes met, Cassandra waving after tearing her attention away from the girl next to her. Sam remembered back to when they were kids, and he used to go over the Pressman’s house and eat s'mores with the girls and watch movies. When middle school hit, they didn’t talk as much. When high school hit, they didn’t talk at all. 

Becca was virtually his only friend. Sure, he had other people, like Elle Tomkins who was the quiet girl in his math class from last semester, and Kelly Aldrich, Becca’s girlfriend. But Becca was the one who mattered, and he spent most of his time with her. However, it wasn't exactly his fault. People simply just didn't talk to him, and he returned the favor. 

The tardy bell rang, and the woman at the front of the class turned to the students with a smile. She was in her early thirties, with brunette hair and a short frame. She seemed to never grow out of her baby face, and her chubby cheeks were tinged red with what looked to be rosacea. “Hi, everyone,” her cheery grin flashed her perfectly straight, yet coffee stained teeth. “I’m Ms. Mulrose.”

The students in the classroom looked at if they didn’t want to even be there, gloomy faces and no emotions beyond that. Sam seemed to be the only person that smiled back, and it was only because her happiness was infectious. “Alright, stand up with your bags! To the back of the classroom!”

Sluggishly, the students made their way to the back of the classroom, as she pointed to random pairs of people, pushing desks together and making some go to the hallway, some sitting on the floor. They were ordered to learn enough facts about their partner to write a 750 word argumentative essay on why their partner deserves to be let off death row. It was the weirdest assignment that Sam ever received, yet he looked to the boy across him with his dimples showing. 

“Hi, I’m Sam.”

“Gareth, but you can call me Grizz. Or Gareth, doesn’t matter.”

  
  
  


_August 7th, 2019._

  


Grizz’s room was the one place he felt safe. And there were so many memories, involved with so many people in his life. It was where he and Sam kissed for the first time, where he lost his virginity, where they shared their first _I love you_. Yet now, it was all packed away, his walls barren, clothes in a suitcase and the only thing left was his green and black plaid bedspread. The smell of vanilla wasn't in the air, because there were no candles. There wasn't any noise, because there was no record player. It was simply Grizz and Sam, on top of his blankets, sitting with their legs crossed as they sat in silence, trying to savour their last moments together before he had to leave. And it pained Grizz the most, because he can't believe he waited until senior year to talk to him, because he wasted so much time and now, they were 7 months into dating and it felt like a blink and he wanted more. He needed more time, more memories, because so much time was wasted being straight. And there wasn't anything to do to get that time back. 

His fingers ran over the rippling fabric, his eyes closing as he remembered the last seven months. How good this summer was, taking Sam to the carnival and winning him so many prizes that they had to steal a garbage bag from one of the booths. Taking Sam to the meadow he found in the middle of the woods, where they ate picnic food and made out until their lips were swollen. The night after graduation where they laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling for hours with their fingers laced together, thinking back to high school. Even their individual grad parties, which was simply an excuse to get so wasted that they didn't remember the previous night, 

“This is the last time we’re gonna be in this room, like this,” Grizz whispered, looking at Sam with sorrow filled eyes. He signed haphazardly as he spoke, his sign language increasing over the months to the point he was nearly fluent. The tears in his eyes hovered over his waterline, like a dam begging to break. “When we come back for Thanksgiving we’re going to be different people, Sam.”

“Maybe you’ll have better fashion,” Sam joked. He always knew how to break a serious moment. His airplane ticket sat on Grizz’s nightside table, his suitcase already in the trunk of his car. All of his belongings had been shipped to UCLA, waiting for him in the office of his dormitory. “Maybe you’ll be a better kisser.”

“I’m a great kisser!” Grizz laughed through his tears, smacking his boyfriend across the shoulder playfully. They began to fall down his cheeks now, some settling in the corners of his lips, trailing down his neck or dripping off his chin and onto his sheets. They left dark marks where they landed, reminders of how painful this moment in his life was. 

Sam leaned over, brushing a thumb over his left cheek, which was red from him trying to hold in his sadness. The ginger boy’s head dipped, catching the other’s lips in his own, pressing them together in a sloppy haste. It was kind of gross, but Sam could taste the saltiness that the tears left on his lips, and his own cries were currently hanging on the edge of his eyes. He found himself getting lost inside his favorite person, swimming in the affection and drowning in the way it felt to be in his arms. He pulled away, lips and cheeks red, eyes still glassy. “We can do this, Gareth.”

He always demanded on calling him by his own name. It was never Grizz, only Gareth, or baby. Sam insisted that his name was so pretty, he had no reason to shorten it into something it wasn’t. In the same regard, Sam was only ever called _Sammy._ He hated the nickname, but Grizz loved to look at the red tinge of his cheeks whenever he said it. 

“I don’t want to leave,” Grizz sighed, resting his forehead against Sam’s. With the quickness of a fox, he wrapped his arms around the boy and they were laying on his bed for the last time for a while. Sam’s arms tangled themselves around his neck, fingers in his hair and Grizz let his hands rest on the boy’s waist. They stayed like that in pure silence, all the way until they had to go to the airport. And when they had to go to the airport, was when it truly hit Grizz that the next time they would see each other was in November. Three whole long months without each other's warmth when they were used to being together every day. 

Grizz cried in the airport as Sam walked away, cried even more as Sam looked back at him from the escalator. But the drive home, he was an absolute mess, listening to the playlist he wish Sam could head and having to pull over on the interstate because he couldn’t see through his messy tears. It seemed pathetic, sitting on the side of I-95 with his head pressed against the steering wheel, his sobs shaking his shoulders as he let out all of the emotions he was trying to hide from his boyfriend. 

Deep down, he knew things were going to change, and that was what scared him most. Because if he was this much of a mess when Sam left him temporarily, he couldn’t imagine if Sam left him for good. 

  
  


_October 22nd, 2023_

  


The book was absolutely everywhere, and it made Sam want to rip his eyes out of their sockets, and use them as basketballs. _In This Moment_ by _Gareth Visser_ was in front of all the bookstores, everywhere on his social media timelines, and was number one on the New York Times best sellers list. His face haunted him, and it hurt. 

The contemporary young adult novel was said to be wise, yet still childlike and displayed the feelings of adolescence in a way the world simply hadn’t seen before. It showed characters that were real, situations that were plausible but still felt enough like a book where readers could immerse themselves in the world. 

Sam would know. He read it four times. 

Now, to most people, reading your ex boyfriend/ex high school sweethearts best selling novel would sound as if you’re rubbing salt on the wound, especially with the badly ending break up that had happened. But as soon as he went on Facebook and saw _his_ mom posting about her son’s first published book, he ordered it off of Amazon Prime within two minutes, and read all 413 pages in the day it came in the mail. 

It was much like rubbing battery acid in his wound, he found. 

Because the book was about _them_. It was so much about them that it made his ears ring, and his heart beat rapidly as if it was going to rip out of his chest. Because it was fiction, but the main character was so much like Sam, and the love interest so much like Gareth, and everyone he went to school with knew it. 

The tear stained copy had a specific place in his studio apartment, in his bedside table, the second drawer down, on top of his candle lighter and other useless shit that he accumulated. In the past few months since the book came out, he would open the drawer at 3 am, and stare at it for nearly 20 minutes, before slamming it closed and screaming into his pillow. 

And now, as he stood in the middle of the bookstore, staring at the display that held twenty thousand copies of his ex’s book, all he could think of was the influx of text messages from his old friends about how _Grizz wrote a book about you!_

No shit. 

It was fucking embarrassing. Because at the end of high school, they were so in love. He can remember all of the things they did together, how they sat with each other at lunch and Sam became used to his idiot, meathead friends, and Prom and Graduation. And now it felt like a piece of him was bared to the world because sure, everyone knew Sam was deaf and liked books but they didn't know that he cried while watching most animated movies, or that he was absolutely terrified of thunderstorms because despite not being able to hear the thunder, he could feel it beneath his fingertips. Gareth knew that. And now, the people he sat next to in AP environmental science knew, and his dumb ass brother knew. 

At some points in the book, Sam got these weird feelings of deja vu, and it took him a few times before realizing that they were things that he said at some point in times. Whether it be in a silly, playful argument or something he said laying in Gareth's bed with no clothes on, talking about the deepest things they could think of. And it was so obviously about him that he couldn't even deny it, and it made him develop a new sense of anger at the boy, who in one point in time, he couldn't ever be angry towards. It completely and utterly pissed Sam off, because he wanted to get away and move on. 

Yet he couldn't. 

Someone came to stand next to him, and when Sam looked over, it was a teenage girl with blonde hair. She seemed to be 18, and dressed like your typical LA girl. “Have you read it?” _Nod._ “Is it good?” _Freeze._

Sam weighed the options in his head. He could either be a petty bitch, the only he wanted to be, or he could be supportive. “It’s alright.” Signing as he spoke, the girl nodded and picked up a copy from the shelf. The answer was average. He smiled as she signed back _thanks._

The vibrating phone in his pocket seemed to break his attention as he pulled it out of his jeans. 

  


**_TEXT MESSAGE FROM -- HARRY BINGHAM_ **

**_CONVERSATION WITH -- CASS, KELLY AND 42 OTHERS!_ **

**CLASS OF 2019 REUNION, 7 PM, DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING IN THE WEST HAM**

**EVENT CENTER. SPREAD THE WORD. BE THERE**

**OR BE SQUARE!**

  
  
  
  



	2. i sometimes, maybe, might think about you at night (almost every night)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In January, Grizz and Sam meet at the library. In August, Sam adjusts to his life in Los Angeles. Four years down the road, and Grizz is wondering where it all went wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from lookalike by conan gray.

_ January 13th, 2019 _

The air in the library was always crisp, in Sam’s opinion. It never got too hot, and there was always a slight chill. It never had any smell other than maybe the pages of new books, and sometimes a hint of fresh linen. Other than that, it kind of smelt the same way a hot bath did. And he absolutely loved it, and couldn’t get enough. 

It was a Sunday in West Ham, most were at church or with their families. Yet, here he was, sitting on a bean bag in the middle of the young adult section of the library,  _ Lord of the Flies _ occupying his brain. His eyes scanned the pages quickly, as he let himself forget about anything going on around him. 

That was, until Gareth Visser walked in. 

For Sam, it was like something in the air shifted immediately. It went from crisp, chilly and stale to warm, welcoming. All because the boy smiled at him. And they just met  _ five days ago _ . 

On Grizz’s behalf, his heart was pounding, thinking back to the BSL book his signed out at the beginning of winter break, because of course he had always noticed Sam. He was hard to miss, and Grizz had his eyes on him since the beginning of Freshman year, when he saw him in the stands during a JV football game and got tackled because he was so distracted. And for years, he’s been working up the sliver of courage to even introduce himself, and in the blink of an eye, Ms. Mulrose just ruined his hard work. (Grizz knew deep down, she had helped him. He would have never talked to Sam.)

He took wide steps to get over to Sam, plopping himself down in the bean bag next to the reading boy. The seat let out a small puff of air as he sat down, due to him being so tall and bulky, and he leaned his head back to look at the books on the shelf behind him, upside down. Grabbing the first one he saw,  _ I’ll Give You the Sun,  _ he set it in his lap, before signing a phrase to Sam that he’d been practicing all week. 

“Am I supposed to understand that?” Sam laughed, looking over at him with the quirk of his brow. Grizz’s whole face went red, recalling his memory. He was sure what he signed was right.  His hands reached down into his bag for the book, pulling out the textbook he had checked out for the past month, and showed it to Sam, who only laughed again. “I use ASL, Gareth.”

“There’s a difference?” Grizz felt dumb, mostly because he had spent literally  _ weeks _ on this, only to mess it up. Sam nodded. 

“Huge.”

“Can you teach me sometime then?” His heart was practically pounding in his chest, and if Sam could hear he probably would have, loud and clear. When did he become so bold. 

Sam’s face went red for a minute, confusion flooding his features. “Sure, but why?”

“I want to be able to talk to you in your language.”

  
  
  
  


_ August 10th, 2019 _

  
  


Los Angeles was absolutely, one hundred and twenty thousand percent terrifying. From the traffic, to the people, to the fact that Sam knew nobody at UCLA, it was his worst nightmare. His roommate was nice enough, a boy named Gordie from Tacoma, Washington, who was studying computer science. School started in a week, and he had just began settling into his dorm, and also applying for a part time job around Los Angeles. Before leaving West Ham, he sold his old car and already had bought one from a dealership in one of the suburbs. 

Which means, so far, life in Los Angeles was going alright. It was stable, he had money saved up from his job back home and could live off of it until he got a new one. He had an okay roommate who he was going out to dinner with, but the bubbling feeling of loneliness settled into his stomach the first night he spent in his dormitory, after his long flight and a lot of crying on the airplane. 

He missed Gareth. Of course he did, he was one of the most important people in his life, and Sam was so used to seeing him every day, being in his arms, laying in his bed and watching him talk. The hoodie he had, two sizes too big with  _ West Ham Centurions - Fight Til The Finish!  _ written in big golden letters across the maroon background. It reminded him of the boy he wanted to see the most, and he was scared to wash it because then it wouldn’t smell like him anymore. 

Sam laid in his bed, the twin size mattress with white sheets and a tan duvet, swimming in the hoodie as he sat on his phone. He was obviously texting the boy, a slight smile gracing his face, and he couldn’t wait to get home from dinner to see Gareth's face, and talk to him. But for now, he was looking over to Gordie, waiting for him to slip his shoes on so they could go to dinner with his friend Bean from Washington, and her roommate Lexie. 

Soon enough, they were in a little cafe in downtown LA, eating sandwiches and chatting lightly. Lexie was from Las Vegas, and was majoring in political science, with a minor in history. Bean's main focus was astrophysics, with a minor in theater. To Sam, that was a weird mix, but he told them of his literary major with a minor education, feeling insecure, considering all of them seemed to be way smarter than he was. 

His mind seemed to constantly drift back to Gareth, and when Lexie asked him about life in Connecticut, on the East coast, he let it spill about their small prestigious town, his great boyfriend and all the state had to offer. Lexie didn't have a boyfriend back in Vegas, but she talked of her best friends that she missed dearly. Bean and Gordie had been friends since the second grade, and were elated when they got into the same school, which meant they could journey their friendship into college. Bean had a girlfriend who went to UC Berkley, who's name Sam couldn't remember, but Gordie was single and excited to finally be independent. 

It was nice. Talking to people who had completely different backgrounds, from different places yet you could still get along with was refreshing. However, that didn't stop Sam from practically counting down the minutes until he could go home, crawl underneath his blankets, and skype Gareth. So you could imagine how disappointed he was when he got home, texted Gareth and received a text saying, _"sorry, busy right now. call in an hour?"_

Then the hour passed, and then a couple hours, and soon it reached 11 o'clock, 2 am on the East coast. Just as Sam was about to shut his laptop down, turn his lamp off and go to bed, he saw the screen light up and the Skype logo with Gareth's face popped up. Sam never answered a call so fast, giddy as ever. 

"Sorry, baby, I was out with some friends," Gareth signed, Sam making sure to mute his laptop to not wake up Gordie, who fell asleep in the middle of watching _Forrest Gump_ on the small TV in their room. The boy across the screen smiled apologetically, the tender look in his eyes making Sam want to melt into the blankets. 

"It's okay," he signed back. "How is school? New friends?"

"My roommate Luke," Gareth gushed, jabbing a thumb to what Sam assumed to be the other side of his apartment. Instead of staying at the dorms Columbia had to offer, the boy decided to look on Facebook for someone who needed a roommate, and found dude in Queens who was going to NYU, and decided to move in with him. "His girlfriend Helena, and her friend Gwen."

"People in LA are crazy smart," Sam signed, peeking over at his roommate, who seemed to have a brain the size of a full grown watermelon. "I feel dumb. I wanna be an english teacher, and this girl is training to become a senator."

Gareth decided it was a good idea to turn on the lamp in his room, the light flooding his features and Sam got to have a good look at him. His hair was newly trimmed, cut carefully to frame his face, and his cheeks were flushed bright red. Either he had been drinking, or he was really embarrassed, and Sam assumed the former. One of his hands raked his scalp, a smile plastered on his face. "Is that my hoodie?"

"Yeah." Sam plucked at the red fabric for a second, grinning to himself. He was hanging onto that last bit of vanilla mixed with mint mixed with fireplace before he had to wash it, and then he wouldn't be able to smell it anymore. 

"It suits you. Look, I gotta go babe. Early morning. I love you," he signed to him, blowing a kiss into the camera. Sam said it back, before closing his laptop. 

It was all he had been waiting for since he left, and now a frown covered his face. Was that all this was going to be? Short skype calls, lazy texts, quick FaceTimes? He knew nothing was going to compare to them spooning in Gareth's bed and watching movies while it snowed, or driving around at the other boy listened to music and Sam placed his hand over the speakers to feel it coursing through his veins

But Sam didn't expect for it to hurt this bad when he hung up. 

_ October 24th, 2023 _

A Tuesday in New York City in late October, and the rain splashed against the road as the busy cars drove through it with no care. People walked with umbrellas up, trying their best to speed-walk to their destination before the rain turned to a massive downpour. Gareth, however, watched it all from the comfort of his own apartment, looking out the windows with a cup of tea in his hands. Losing himself in the rain, he forgot about the two people sitting on the couch. 

"Grizz," Allie started, and a sour taste entered his mouth as soon as she spoke. Nobody had called him that in months, all of his new friends in New York simply called him Gareth. Nothing more, nothing less. To be honest, he had become quite the bore. "Are you coming to the reunion?"

His face wrenched as he placed his mug on the stone counter space, looking to where her and Elle sat, before joining them, taking up the entire love seat. "It depends. Am I a masochist? Do I want to see my ex who painfully dumped me and then never talked to me again?" The look on his face gave it all away. He wasn't going, or at least he had no intentions to. 

"What happened?" Elle spoke this time, her voice soft as she clutched her mug of hot chocolate in her lap. When the two boys were in high school, they were so madly in love, and she was sure it would last for a long time. Nobody even knew they broke up until six months after it happened, when Sam deleted all of the pictures of them on his Instagram and Grizz returned the favor. 

Gareth chuckled dryly, his eyes beginning to tear up. "Why don't you ask him, Elle? Maybe you can get an answer why. Because I sure as hell didn't."

To see him like this was sort of a mind-fuck for both of the girls, knowing him as Grizz Visser, the soft jock who was always level headed and didn't let his emotions get in the way of him. So to be sitting on his couch as his eyes welled up, listening to him talk about his first love and first heartbreak, it felt like they were intruding on a sliver of intimacy that was too intimate to be seen. 

"The book's sure gotten a good reaction," Allie tried to change the subject, but Gareth didn't want to think about the book, that screamed desperation. The whole thing _reeked_ of him and Sam, and he had written it as a sort of failed love letter. To get Sam's attention. It didn't work, not in the slightest, and now he was left with a constant reminder that he apparently was never good enough. 

"It's about him."

"We know," Elle sighed, offering a soft smile. "You need to come to the reunion, Grizz."

Gareth nodded, because she was right. He wanted to see his old friends, see Clark and Jason for old times sake, maybe visit his teachers, especially Ms. Mulrose, and tell her everything about how his life went to shit. Originally, he weren't going to go home for Thanksgiving, he had too much work to do on his next novel, but the offer looked more appealing as they days past. "Yeah, I know. But I can't, because I can't see him." 

"What are you so afraid of?" Elle asked, near whisper. She was scared of overstepping, but was trying to push her friend into being rational. 

"I haven't seen him since the breakup. And if I see him, and he looks at me, and pretends like nothing has happened, it's going to break me. Because all I want is for him to see me, and its been three and a half fucking years, Elle. It's going to ruin me."

"But what if it doesn't?"

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! follow me on twitter, @elletcmkins! i write more than grizzam, if you'd like to check out my stanlon one shots :)


End file.
